This is a hard post to write, but I feel compelled to put pen to paper (as it were), out of a deep concern for a significant number of my Christian brothers and sisters who minister within the Church of England.
Potential Misunderstandings
Before I get to what I want to say, let me try to articulate why this is hard to write. There are 3 ways this could be misunderstood, and I do not intend any of them.
I'm going to talk about what I see as real dangers of exhaustion and burnout amongst evangelicals contending for the faith once delivered to the saints within a Church of England that is fast turning its back on those truths.
Patronising
There is a danger this comes across as patronising. What would I know about burnout and exhaustion? Who am I to warn others of such things when I do not inhabit their worlds closely enough to comment?
Sadly, I know quite a bit. In 2019 I took a 3 month sabbatical that had been planned for a couple of years. It included study (on the relationship between Father and Son within the eternal Trinity), travel (a memorable and formative trip to the lands of Israel / Palestine), and retreat (space to read devotionally, think and pray).
The last of those led me to realise that I was spiritually, physically and emotionally exhausted. I knew I was tired, but I discovered I was more run down and worn out than I realised. My outputs exceeded my inputs, and I was running low on spiritual oxygen.
I left the Church of England in summer 2021. You can read or listen to the talk I gave to my then church family explaining why. The seeds were sown in December 2018 when the House of Bishops approved a new liturgy to celebrate someone's gender transition.
I immediately recognised that this was probably crossing a "red line" I'd set way back when I was ordained (2005) that would trigger my leaving the Church of England. I didn't act on that straight away, but prayed, reflected and sought the counsel of others. The feeling of unease grew.
Ministering within a denomination (and, in some aspects, a local church) that did not share the deepest goals I had for life and ministry was sapping the strength out of me. This had been so for some time, and the 2018 change accelerated that.
I came to see, on sabbatical, that this was not just about whether I left because my conscience demanded it. If I didn't leave the Church of England, I would need to make some big changes to how I was making it work. This was not just about whether the Church of England was dead or dying; it was killing me. 5 more years on the same basis as before and I would have little to no personal spiritual vitality left.
In January 2020, I took a month off because my GP told me I was stressed and exhausted and needed to. There was an immediate trigger that precipitated this, but the point was that my resilience was at an all-time low.
So I do not intend this to sound patronising. I'm writing about something I know well. I see signs from my own past in others.
Interfering
There is a danger this comes across as interfering. After all, I have left the Church of England, and am now ministering within AMiE, the Anglican Mission in England. So some might say I should stay out of the politics and battles of another denomination.
That is not my intention. I have many good friends within AMiE but I have many multiples more friends ministering within the Church of England. These are good friends, with good and faithful ministries.
Indeed, the Church of England is Anglican, like AMiE. We are part of the worldwide family of Anglican churches, rooted in the same English Reformation as articulated in the 1662 Prayer Book. I don't regard my Church of England brothers and sisters as fighting someone else's fight. They are fighting for a cause that I believe in and remain part of.
The Church of England is also the established church in England, with the King as Supreme Governor. The decisions it takes affects the way that Christianity is perceived by the population of England and by the civil authorities. What happens in the Church of England affects the way Christians are heard as they seek to share the gospel with their friends and neighbours, whatever denomination they are in.
Lastly, the Church of England is a Christian denomination. For all its flaws, it is a collection of Christian churches. Evangelical ministers within it are my genuine brothers and sisters. We should not see the denominations we each join as silos, where we are unconcerned by the affairs of churches from other networks. We stand together, pray together, minister alongside those of other denominations, as far as we can.
So I do not intend this to sound interfering. I'm writing about something that concerns me personally, in a number of ways.
Demoralising
My last concern is that this could sound demoralising. It would be bad form in the military world, before a big battle, to have someone in the junior ranks publicly discussing flaws in the battle plan. So to say what I wish to say, at this point, could be seen as disloyal. I should not say things that could discourage troops who are fighting hard and about to enter the toughest stage of a long battle.
That is also not my intention.
I have always said that when (or, indeed, whether) to leave the Church of England is a matter for wisdom. I refer the reader to a piece I wrote 18 months ago, "Does Jesus contradict himself in giving differing guidance". The issues involved are objective, but the right course of action is also subjective.
As Paul says in Romans 14:4, each servant / minister stands or falls before their own master. I said above, I have many friends who remain within the Church of England. It is not my business to judge them for that; they have decided that the right thing is for them to stay, and they give account only to the Lord Jesus for those choices.
The decision to remain within the Church of England is a decision to stay and fight. You get involved in the decision-making structures, and you labour for outcomes that bring glory to God, and that further the cause of the gospel in the Church of England. I thank God for my brothers and sisters who have chosen this path. It is a hard path. They have pressures I do not now have. The battle will be exhausting. They need the prayers of Christians across the country, and I pray for them, especially as General Synod meets this week.
In particular, I'm not implying that a cause should be abandoned because it is exhausting. To be a Christian is to deny ourselves, take up our cross and follow Christ. Foxes have holes, birds of the air have nests, but when he was on earth the Son of Man had nowhere to lay his head. Following Christ; contending for the faith once delivered; fighting valiantly as disciples of Christ against sin, the world and the devil - these things will be exhausting.
I'm not wanting to be heard to urge the troops to give up. I'm wanting you to press on, wrestle, fight, and pray. Tread all the powers of darkness down, and win the well-fought day.
If you hear me setting out to demoralise, you've misheard.
Three Concerns
Now I've set out why this is hard to write, let me get to the point.
As I listen to Church of England ministers talking about where things are, and as I read blog and social media posts, I find three fears rising in my mind.
Please note: I am not singling out individuals as I comment. When I say "I hear people saying things like," that is what I mean. I am deliberately paraphrasing, and not quoting what one person has said. These are things I'm hearing repeatedly, and if you said something along these lines I'm not referring to you specifically. Indeed, I may not even have seen your comment at all.
Fear 1: The Parallel Universe
The first fear is that some people are sounding like they're from another world.
I hear comments like, "It's too early to plan what we might do to respond to the planned liturgical changes. We haven't even had General Synod yet. People are petitioning their bishops to rethink this, and we must pray they listen. We may get to General Synod and find they announce they've changed their mind. The proposals may be voted down. Let's not get ahead of ourselves."
Now, indeed those things may happen. I believe in a God who raises the dead, and who calls into existence things that do not exist. We must not give up believing in the living God who answers prayer, who works miracles, who works through seemingly ordinary events to achieve his purposes. Of course these proposals may yet never see the light of day. Let's pray for that.
However, humanly speaking, that is not the world in which we live. The bishops have had lots of opportunity to consider their decision before this point. They know the strength of feeling on both sides of the debate. Nobody writing to their bishop now is going to make them suddenly realise that people exist who don't approve. It seems likely that the changes being proposed are what we're going to get.
There is a frequent call for a so-called "third province". The Church of England is divided into the province of Canterbury (southern England) and the province of York (northern England). Why not, people argue, create a new province that is non-geographic. The less good outcome would be for the orthodox to have this province for them. Better would be for liberal progressives to move to the new third province whilst leaving the historic two for the orthodox.
Personally, I think such calls would always be resisted by the denomination. Others have rehearsed the reasons for this. If this were the plan, it would need a date, and steps to implement it. Given the proposed changes are coming in the next few months, how would you get such a province created in order to protect biblical ministry that is necessarily separated from those preaching another gospel?
Another frequent call is for the unorthodox to leave. So they should! The 39 Articles of Religion remain an excellent doctrinal foundation for the Church of England. Those who believe in reformed doctrine are the true heirs of the Church of England. We should not run out of the house because a robber has come in; we should drive out the robber.
However, what is the plan when the unorthodox refuse to leave. The Archbishops of Canterbury and York have been taking a lead on the proposed changes, and have spoken publicly in support. They would need to leave the Church of England for this to happen. I cannot see them, or the many cathedral deans and others who are public in their support, handing over the keys. No matter how much we may have a true claim on those keys.
My point is not that there is no happy outcome in view. Humanly speaking, there are several good outcomes to work for. Divinely speaking, we have a God who works miracles.
My point is that things are on a path where a tragic outcome is highly probable. We must not imagine we live in a future where we will wake up next week and discover that either (a) the bishops or the Synod backed down, or (b) a third province has been created to protect faithful ministry, or (c) the liberals have left and handed the denomination over to its rightful heirs.
The story we are in has all the hallmarks of not being in that universe.
Fear 2: Utter exhaustion
My second fear is that some people are sounding utterly exhausted.
I hear comments like, "I'm 15 years out from retirement. The Church of England has been debating human sexuality for about 30 years, and it's been explicitly on the agenda for at least 10. All the talking, planning, praying, and hearing proposed changes has worn me out. I'm tired of this fight. I'd like to move on, and spend my remaining years in ministry fighting for what really matters. I want to labour to see people become Christians, and to see God's people grow in maturity and likeness to Christ."
These latest developments are forcing the fight for the authority of Scripture, worked out in the areas of marriage and gender, to become more overt, more costly and more central.
Some incumbents minister in parish churches where there are deep divisions over the subject of sexuality. They've focused on preaching the gospel and discipling the Lord's people. They've seen the political fight as potentially distracting from gospel ministry, and they know their PCCs might not be behind them. This feeling of isolation has held them back from taking a personal costly stand for truth. The fear that a PCC might vote against them has held them back from inviting the church to take steps like culling its giving to the Diocesan Fund or withdrawing from all deanery or diocesan events.
For such ministers, this will need to change. They will need to say very clearly that they believe the teaching of the Bible; otherwise, people in their church and in their parish will assume they agree with the drift coming from the denominational centre. That change will be very costly. PCC meetings could become long, heated and risky. People could stop coming to the church. They can expect opposition from people within and outside the local church.
Other incumbents minister in churches where there is broad agreement that the teaching of Scripture is true and good. Those churches will need to work out what "visible differentiation" looks like. They may need to stop paying money to central funds, stop sending people to certain meetings and events, refuse to admit their bishop into the church building, and other steps besides. This will lead to awkward meetings with archdeacons, registrars and others. The other costs (future licenced staff, buildings, succession, disciplinary proceedings) are unknown.
These are the kinds of battles and difficulties that keep you awake at night. My fear is that those about to enter this fiercest phase of the fight do so from a position of great exhaustion already.
Fear 3: Redefining Success
My third fear is that many have invested great mental and emotional energy into seeking to recover the Church of England as an evangelical denomination, or at least one within which evangelicals feel thoroughly at home.
We would love to see a place where Canon A5 is practised as well as written down: "The doctrine of the Church of England is grounded in the Holy Scriptures, and in such teachings of the ancient Fathers and Councils of the Church as are agreeable to the said Scriptures. In particular such doctrine is to be found in the Thirty-nine Articles of Religion, The Book of Common Prayer, and the Ordinal." We would love to see a place where the Reformed doctrines of those 39 Articles permeate church life.
So, for good reason, evangelicals have fought to see the good foundations hold up a good, strong edifice.
The trouble is that God's kingdom is not identified with the Church of England.
1 Peter 3:15 says: "Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have." Within 1 Peter, the hope that we have is a living hope, given to us through the new birth made possible by the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead (1 Peter 1:3). That verse tells us to be ready to defend resurrection hope, not to be ready to defend our denomination.
Fighting for the future of the Church of England is a good fight, but it is not the good fight of the faith.
Of course, all evangelicals would agree with this. Nobody would be so crass as to say that the gospel is "the salvation of the Church of England".
But my fear is that many have given themselves to that cause for so long that they have all become tied up together. Maybe it's not so much the danger of redefining success, as the danger of redefining failure. If you've given 30 years of ordained, public ministry to protecting, restoring, reforming, rescuing the Church of England, it would feel a huge failure if that project were to fail.
The cause of the gospel of Jesus Christ is our great commission. The future glories of the Church of England, with its wonderful reformed heritage, is a cause to fight for the glory of God, and a means to that end.
What Happens if it all Falls Apart?
Those are my fears.
Now let's ask: What happens if everything falls apart? What happens if, on Wednesday, General Synod votes for Item 11 in full:
That this Synod, recognising the commitment to learning and deep listening to God and to each other of the Living in Love and Faith process, and desiring with God’s help to journey together while acknowledging the different deeply held convictions within the Church:
- (a) lament and repent of the failure of the Church to be welcoming to LGBTQI+ people and the harm that LGBTQI+ people have experienced and continue to experience in the life of the Church;
- (b) recommit to our shared witness to God’s love for and acceptance of every person by continuing to embed the Pastoral Principles in our life together locally and nationally;
- (c) commend the continued learning together enabled by the Living in Love and Faith process and resources in relation to identity, sexuality, relationships and marriage;
- (d) welcome the decision of the House of Bishops to replace Issues in Human Sexuality with new pastoral guidance;
- (e) welcome the response from the College of Bishops and look forward to the House of Bishops further refining, commending and issuing the Prayers of Love and Faith described in GS 2289 and its Annexes;
- (f) invite the House of Bishops to monitor the Church’s use of and response to the Prayers of Love and Faith, once they have been commended and published, and to report back to Synod in five years’ time.
And what if there is no adequate provision for those who do not agree, and it becomes clear over time that this 5 year period will see nothing other than this new norm becoming entrenched? What then?
Well, to the extent that the 3 fears above are realised, there will be heart-breaking carnage.
Denial
Those who have been living in denial that this is where things were likely heading will, gradually or suddenly, wake up to discover that the nightmare is actually the reality. The Church of England that, by virtue of its reformed credentials, should have resisted this has turned out to have shaky foundations. The evangelical bishops who should have proposed another way forwards have let them down. Above all, the God who parted the Red Sea has failed to come to his people's aid at their hour of need.
The sense of betrayal, of disillusion, of despair, will be terrible.
Exhuastion
Those who have been running on fumes will finally run out of adrenaline. There is only so long we can live on the short-term boost of energy our bodies give us in a crisis. The other side, there is an emptiness and exhaustion that takes time to recover from.
Furthermore, there is a danger that time and energy has been put into this fight at the expense of time and energy into the God who loves us. Combined with the first fear, we may now feel that God has in fact left us and let us down. But even without that, have we lost the habits of coming to Jesus when we are weak and heavy-laden, so he can give us rest?
Failure
Those who have been equating the successes of ministry with the successful reform of the Church of England will be hit by the feeling that their ministry has failed. It hasn't, of course, provided they've laboured in the harvest field as well. But the more that saving the Church of England has become a focus, the more it will feel like ministry itself has failed.
All 3?
If we put these three together, the cocktail is disastrous. We have a recipe for people suffering from physical, mental, emotional and spiritual exhaustion. People who feel that God has let them down, with the institutions that they trusted to scaffold their ministries collapsing like sandcastles. People who feel that their ministries have been a failure, and that all the efforts have been in vain.
At worst, you end up with ministers who now lack the energy to get out of bed in the morning and face the day's tasks.
If not as bad as that, you end up with ministers who can do life but lack any capacity for public ministry.
If it's not as bad as that, there may be ministers who can again serve churches in leadership roles, but only having had a lot of gracious, gentle help from others to help them rebuild their strength.
Or, more exactly, to find again the Lord who walked with Peter on the beach, have breakfast with him, and be gently strengthened by him to look after his sheep.
So What?
Let me repeat: If this comes across as patronising, as interfering, or as demoralising, I apologise for sounding that way. That truly is not my intention. This is just me listening to my brothers and sisters in Church of England ministry, recognising things that chime with my own experiences, and feeling deep alarm and unease at what might be unfolding.
Let me also say: I'm not for one moment saying that every faithful minister is living out all, or even one, of those fears. Many, probably most, will be fighting hard, ministering faithfully and praying steadfastly, with none of these dangers anywhere close.
However these words will chime with some. And, with them in mind, three quick conclusions.
- Let us pray. Evangelicals in the Church of England have a tough, tough battle on their hands. They need our prayers. This is a spiritual battle, and we are their family. Let's be praying for them, especially as General Synod meets this week. Let's not just be praying for the debates and votes; let's be praying for their hearts. Let's pray for them to be wise as serpents as well as innocent as doves, to know the Lord's strengthening as Elijah did, to be consumed with God's glory and the salvation of the lost.
- Let's beware. Do not equate the cause of Christ with the rescue of the Church of England. Do not put your success in ministry on the same level as your walk with the risen Christ. Do not rejoice that the Spirits submit to you, but that your names are written in heaven. Do not equate life with work, but remember that on the seventh day God rested from all his work. Work for the best, pray for the best, but prepare for the worst. Don't pin all your hopes on the best case scenario playing out.
- Let's be kind. I'd love nothing more than to be wrong. I've love to be wrong about where the Church of England is heading, and I'd love to be wrong about there being fellow-ministers on a path to burnout and collapse. But I may be right, and if so let's never think or say the words "I told you so". We need a lot more of "Brother, how can I pray for you." "Sister, welcome to our church, what would you like to do to serve, or would you like to just enjoy being part of the family for a few months before I ask you that again". We need to learn to rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep. There may be bruised reeds coming to our churches in the months and years to come; Jesus taught and modelled how to be gentle and not break them.
Maybe we need to read 2 Corinthians.
"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God." (2 Corinthians 1:3-4)
"But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us." (2 Corinthians 4:7)
"For Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." (2 Corinthians 12:10)
"Finally, brothers and sisters, rejoice! Strive for full restoration, encourage one another, be of one mind, live in peace. And the God of love and peace will be with you." (2 Corinthians 13:11)
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