Today, in the West, traditional marriage seems to be under attack. In March 2011, the office of national statistics released some figures, showing that the marriage rate was at its lowest since 1895. From 1981 to 2009, the number of marriages conducted in the UK had fallen by a third. We’re not talking about church weddings here, just about weddings full stop.
Today, we carry on asking whether we can really believe what the Bible has to say. We get more specific. Two weeks ago we looked at what the Bible has to say about creation, the whole world. Last week we looked at what the Bible has to say about humanity, about people. Today, we look at the subject of marriage. Can you really believe what the Bible has to say about marriage?
Because that’s where the book of Genesis takes us. Last week took us a little way into chapter 2, and marriage is the next subject that we meet.
In fact, as I’ve looked at Genesis 2, I realised that I’m going to have to be selective. There’s so much here. But even cutting down the things that need to be said, there still seemed to be so much that has to be said, that I decided we needed to spend two weeks talking about marriage from Genesis 2. It was either that, or make the sermon much longer than some of you are accustomed to. So part 1 this week, and part 2 in two weeks’ time.
Before we dig in, I have to say that I’m aware that talking about this will open a can of worms this morning, and I can’t promise to get them all back into the can by the end. Even by the end of next time.
There are some subjects that are not best tackled from the front like this, and if thinking this through raises questions for you, or troubles you, I’d be delighted to talk it all through. Just get in touch, we’ll fix up a time, put the kettle on, and we can spend some time and care on the issues that concern you.
Genesis 2: Harmony
So where are we in Genesis?
Up to this point, it’s been a kind of prologue. The book of Genesis divides into a number of sections, and the marker to look for is the little phrase “these are the generations of”. We get it for the first time in verse 4, look: These are the generations of the heavens and the earth when they were created. Then we get it again in verse 1 of chapter 5: This is the book of the generations of Adam. So chapters 2, 3 and 4 are the first proper section of Genesis.
The centrepiece of this section is the account of the fall in chapter 3. Chapter 2 describes life before the fall, how things were meant to be before they went wrong. Chapter 4 describes life after the fall, how things ended up after they went wrong. So this morning we’re reading an ideal picture. How things would have been, could have been, should have been. We might find ourselves thinking that this isn’t the real world, and that’s because we don’t live in this world any more. We live in the world of Genesis 4.
And the picture of Genesis 2 is a wonderful one – it’s a picture of harmony and beauty.
In the first half of the chapter we read of the man in harmony with his environment. He lives in a beautiful place, and his deepest needs, and his every need is met. He is surrounded by trees that are good to look at and good for food.
Then in the second half of the chapter we read of the man in harmony with his wife. She is a beautiful woman, and she meets his deepest needs.
Of those two pictures of harmony and beauty, we’re going to spend our time on the second one – the man with his wife. Let’s look at a few of the details together.
A helper fit for him
Verse 18 stands out like a sore thumb. You’ll remember that chapter 1 had God stand back at each stage and survey his handiwork. He saw that it was good. He saw that it was good. And then, when he’d finished everything, behold, it was very good.
But suddenly, in chapter 2 and verse 18, here is something that is not good. Then the Lord God said: It is not good that the man should be alone.
Not good that he should carry out his duty of taking care of the world on his own. Not good, because God is not alone. God has always been three persons, God the Father, God the Son and God the Spirit. God works as a team, in partnership. So it’s not good that this man should be on his own.
The question is: Who is to help him? Verse 18: I will make a helper fit for him. We’ll come back to that word “helper” later, because we mustn’t get the wrong idea.
But the first thing God does is bring the animals before the man. One by one, they come past like a parade. Adam names each one. Ox. Butterfly. Cat. Aardvark. Rabbit. Zebra. Good as they were, none of the animals were a suitable helper for Adam.
So God set about making one. He didn’t make one from scratch. He started with some raw materials, and in this case the raw material was the man himself. The result was a woman. The man was made from the dust; she was made from the man. She wasn’t just a second product made off the same production line out of the same stuff. She was taken out of the man, an exact match for him, perfect for the task of being his companion.
And then we get the most beautiful scene as you get the first wedding in the history of the world. God leads the woman down the aisle in the Garden of Eden, so that the man can meet his bride. And he bursts into song, he’s so delighted at what he sees. This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.
One of the privileges of having the role I have is that I get to take weddings. There are a few highlight moments in a wedding service. When the newlyweds are proclaimed husband and wife. When the groom gets to kiss his bride. As we pray for God’s blessing on them. As the two families joined in marriage process out of church at the end.
But it’s hard to beat the entrance of the bride. She’s spent the day so far being prepared for her husband. He gets to turn around and see his perfect bride walk towards him. Looking a million pounds. Absolutely stunning moment for the groom.
Genesis 2 verse 22 is the moment when God places Eve on his right arm, as it were, and walks her to Adam, and he’s overjoyed at what he sees. She is not like the animals. She is bone of his bone, flesh of his flesh, taken from him. The perfect partner for him.
And to see how perfect, we have to notice a couple of the words that are used.
One is the word in verse 18 that our English versions translate “fit for” or “suitable for”. It is formed by squashing two separate words together, just as the words motor and way can be put together to make the word motorway, a way for motor vehicles. One word is the word “like”. The other word is the word “set against”, or “contrasted to”. Put them together you get a funny mixture, sort of “like over against”, or “like, yet contrasted to”.
But it’s this that makes her the perfect partner for Adam. She’s not like the animals. She’s like him. And yet, to use the phrase, she’s his other half, different to him.
If you’re looking to take on a new employee at work, you generally look for someone who has different strengths to the other members of the team. They’ve got to fit in, yet you don’t want an exact clone of the people you’ve already got.
This is what Adam gets. Just like him. And yet not like him.
If you’re looking for the perfect partner for a salt cellar, to put on the table together, to provide your guests with seasoning, you don’t want an alarm clock. You need something else that will season food. But neither do you need a second salt cellar. You’re looking for the other half of the pair. Something like a pepper pot would do nicely. Better, a pepper mill.
Fit for him. Suitable for him. Like over against him. Like, yet contrasting. That’s what makes Eve such a perfect partner for Adam.
And then there’s the word helper. This is a word that sounds a bit scary, because it could give the impression that Adam is the really important one, and Eve is just employed as his assistant. As if she’s somehow second-rate, less important
Well let’s not rush to conclusions. This little word helper occurs 19 times in the Old Testament, and its most common use is when God is described as the helper of his people. The most frequent “helper” in the pages of the Old Testament is God himself. So whatever it means it does not mean someone who is unimportant or second-class.
The emphasis rather is on how indispensable she is. Adam couldn’t fulfil his task of caring for God’s world without her.
Now, to be sure, as they work together as partners to look after God’s world, they don’t have the same roles. She’s “like over against him”. Specifically, certain weighty responsibilities fall to Adam as the one who was created first. It fell to him to name his wife. It also fell to him to guard her, to take care of her, to make sure she knew their mission, and that she knew the instructions God had left for them in the garden.
He didn’t do very well at that, did he?! Here’s the first husband in the history of the world, and the fall is partly about him abdicating his responsibilities.
But saying they’re different, like salt and pepper. Even saying that Adam had to shoulder some big responsibilities. None of that gives rise to any inferiority or superiority. Both the man and the woman were made in the image of God. They had a job to do, and they were tailor made for one another, the perfect partnership to live out our God-given responsibilities.
Marriage
Having described this beautiful first wedding, the narrator steps back and adds a comment. Most of the time, the narrators of the biblical stories remain behind the scenes; they don’t step onto the stage themselves, break the fourth wall, and tell you what they’re trying to get across. So when they do, we should pay attention.
Verse 24: Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.
It’s because God made us this way that this custom called marriage has risen up, says the narrator. What happens is that a man is brought up in the home of his parents. That’s where he lives. That’s where he belongs. But then the day comes when he gets up, leaves that household, and joins to the woman who is to become his wife. Instead of being part of his father and mother’s household, he and his wife have just begun a new one. If God gives them children, in time they will become the father and mother to the next generation.
And the man and wife are totally joined. Totally united. One, including one in body, one flesh. The Bible gives us marriage as a mathematical equation: 1+1=1. That unity is so tight that it leaves space for nobody else. Marriage can only be between two people.
Jesus took this text and added his own stamp to it. Turn over to Matthew chapter 19, page 534. Verse 3. Pharisees came up to him and tested him by asking, ‘Is it lawful to divorce one’s wife for any cause?’ He answered, ‘Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh’? So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.
When two people get married, God has joined them together. Not only are they so tightly joined that their relationship excludes all others, they are so tightly joined that it is for life. Back to the marriage service again. If one of my favourite moments is as the bride walks down the aisle, another is when I get to pronounce that the couple are now husband and wife. I hold their hands together, hold them up high, and say: Those whom God has joined together, let no-one put asunder. The word “asunder” may not be modern English, but apart from that it’s quoting Jesus.
This, says our narrator, is marriage. A man and a woman. Very publicly leave their parental home, and set up a new home together. They are joined by God to one another so tightly that this relationship excludes all others. And they are joined for the rest of their life, until death us do part.
Hard teaching, yet important
That’s what Genesis chapter 2 does for us. It sets out God’s creation of marriage. How God intended things to be before they all went wrong.
Now, I’m aware that there are reasons why we might find this teaching quite hard to accept, and why this is a difficult subject for some of us to think about.
One reason is that this teaching from the Bible is really quite counter-cultural. The other reason is that we live the other side of the fall, and our own experience falls so far short of what we read here. So much so, that reading of God’s ideal just makes us feel the pain of our own life all the more.
And yet, hard though this is, there’s so much relevance in all this, that it’s very important that we take it on board.
And that’s what we’ll develop next time. We’ll think about some of the reasons why this teaching is difficult for our ears, and then we’ll unfold the relevance of Genesis chapter 2 so that we can see how it shapes our lives.